A WEIGHT YOU CAN’T SEE

START THE SHIFT: A Weight You Cannot See

Every person you meet is carrying something you cannot see. A memory, a fear, a loss, a story they have not said out loud in years. We move through the world brushing past people who are holding far more than they show, and most of the time, we never know it.

When someone finally reveals a piece of that weight, our instinct is usually to fix it. We try to offer comfort, advice, or solutions. We rush to soften their pain because we do not want them to hurt. The intention is good, but the impact can be the opposite. Fixing often shuts people down. Presence opens them up.

There is a question that changes the entire experience.
A question that creates connection instead of distance.
A question that lets someone feel understood instead of exposed.

The Question That Creates Connection

In the video, I share the moment this question came alive for me through a friend who had been through more than I could imagine. Instead of asking for the details of his trauma, I simply asked:

“How do you carry that?”

It is a question that acknowledges the depth of someone’s experience without prying into it. It creates dignity. It creates space. It allows them to share what they choose, at their own pace, without feeling pressured to relive the details.

A Powerful Metaphor for Trauma

My friend described his trauma as a collection of small boxes strapped to his back. Each box had a loose lid. With the wrong movement, one would pop open and spill its contents on everyone around him. Then he would spend hours, days, or months trying to close it again.

That image has stayed with me. Trauma does not disappear. It shifts, it quiets, it changes shape, but it stays part of us. The goal is not removal. The goal is learning how to carry it with more strength, more awareness, and more compassion.

Why We Never Truly Let Trauma Go

Trauma is not something we “get over.”
It is something we grow around.
Something we learn to hold with more skill and less shame.

And when we understand that in ourselves, we can offer grace to others. Their reactions, their tone, their defensiveness, their distance, their overwhelm. It is often a box they did not choose to open.

A Holiday Week Invitation

As we enter a week filled with family, old friends, and mixed histories, remember this: presence creates more healing than answers ever will.

You do not need perfect words.
You do not need a solution.
You only need enough curiosity to ask, “How do you carry that?” and enough patience to stay quiet while they answer.

Watch the Video for the Full Story

The full video explores this idea in more depth and offers a simple practice you can use in any conversation where pain or vulnerability appears.

For Event Planners and Podcast Hosts

If you plan events or book speakers who teach emotional intelligence in a practical, relatable way, I would love to connect. This message resonates powerfully with audiences who want to lead with more clarity, compassion, and presence.

Let’s create something meaningful together.