TRANSACTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS

START THE SHIFT: Transactional vs. Authentic Relationships

Many leaders pride themselves on the number of relationships they have. The contacts, the clients, the colleagues, the network. But when you look closely, a surprising pattern emerges. A lot of those relationships are not real relationships at all. They are transactions dressed as connection.

A useful relationship is not the same as an authentic one.
And the cost of confusing the two shows up everywhere: in your culture, your partnerships, your hiring, and your ability to lead with trust.

Transactional Relationships: Balanced, But Shallow

A transactional relationship operates on one principle: what do I get and what do you get. There is a mental scoreboard. As long as the math feels even, the relationship works. When the balance shifts, the relationship breaks.

There is nothing wrong with transactional relationships. They are part of life. The problem is when we mistake them for something deeper. When we start calling someone a friend simply because the exchange has gone smoothly for a long time.

In the video, I share a moment when I realized someone saw me as a friend, while I saw our connection as purely professional. It was a reminder that clarity is essential. Without it, expectations quietly drift into disappointment.

Authentic Relationships: Honest, Curious, Vulnerable

Authentic relationships live on a different foundation. They are built on honesty, curiosity, vulnerability, and emotional depth. They do not rely on balance sheets. They rely on presence and mutual understanding.

An authentic relationship does not disappear when things get tough. It expands. It holds. It stays.

These are the relationships that shape us as leaders. They make us more grounded, more self-aware, and more capable of navigating complexity with grace.

A Simple Question That Reveals the Truth

There is a question that exposes the difference between a transaction and a relationship:

What happens when things get difficult?

Transactional relationships often crumble under strain.
Authentic ones deepen.

When you stop to look at the people in your life through this lens, you begin to see which connections nourish you and which ones simply require maintenance.

Why This Matters for Leadership

Leaders who invest only in transactional relationships often burn out. Their world becomes a series of negotiations, obligations, and expectations. Leaders who cultivate authentic relationships build cultures of trust, resilience, and alignment. Their teams feel safe to speak honestly. Their partnerships last. Their decisions come from clarity, not fear.

Authentic relationships are efficient, but not in a mechanical way. They are efficient because they prevent miscommunication, distrust, and emotional friction.

Watch the Video for the Full Insight

The video breaks down the difference in a clear, relatable way and offers a simple way to evaluate the relationships in your life and leadership.

For Event Planners and Podcast Hosts

If you plan events or book speakers who help leaders build healthier, more aligned cultures, I would love to connect. This topic resonates strongly with audiences who are ready to shift from overwhelm to connection.

Let’s create something valuable for your group.