DIFFERENTIATION
Differentiation: Why Pushback Is Not the Problem You Think It Is
One of the most surprising moments in leadership is when someone you have supported, guided, or mentored suddenly turns on you.
They challenge your decisions.
They nitpick your words.
They react strongly to advice they used to seek.
It feels personal. It feels ungrateful. It feels like something broke.
Often, nothing broke at all.
What you are witnessing is differentiation.
Differentiation happens in relationships with a power imbalance. Most commonly between parent and child, but it also shows up between mentors and mentees, bosses and former bosses, or anyone whose identity was once shaped in relation to another.
At some point, the person on the less powerful side needs to become their own person. They need to separate who they are from who you are. The fastest way to do that is to push.
That push often shows up as conflict.
From the outside, it looks irrational. From the inside, it is deeply functional. Picking a fight creates boundaries. Boundaries create identity.
The mistake leaders make is trying to win the argument, reassert authority, or pull the person back into the old dynamic. That stalls the process and damages trust.
The better move is curiosity and restraint.
Instead of giving advice automatically, ask what they need.
Advice.
Feedback.
Or simply to be heard.
Sometimes what looks like rejection is actually a request for recognition. An unspoken “see me as my own person now.”
On the other side of differentiation, the relationship changes. You are no longer parent and child. You are no longer mentor and mentee. You become equals.
If someone has recently surprised you with resistance, pay attention. You may be standing at the doorway of a healthier dynamic.
Watch the video to explore this idea more deeply. Share your experience in the comments. And if you are looking for a speaker who helps leaders navigate emotional intelligence, power dynamics, and growth with clarity, I would love to talk.